Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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