Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
