Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
