Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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