dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
