New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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