So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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