He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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