So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
