Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
