she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
