he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
