Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
