I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
