Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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