he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
