how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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