Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
