How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
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