i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
