Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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