At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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