lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I forget how to act sober
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
