He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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