Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
