I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
