I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
