I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
