I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
