finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
