The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
