who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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