i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
