Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
