Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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