He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
