There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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