At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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