The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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