My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
