I think my vagina is haunted
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
