I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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