Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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