His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
did i just pee glitter
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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