Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
