i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
