he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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