Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
