i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
