He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She bit a glass in half.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
