how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
