you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We left an ass print on the piano.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
