I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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