I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
