just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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