i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
